Tapes of Solitude

by Zoe Hayter

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1.
Haunted (By Your Being) if i was dying now, what would you say to me for it’s too late for apologies if i stopped breathing now would you bring me back to save me or walkaway and let you haunt me for in this case you’re the ghost standing here alone regretting all your faults too late for a wake up call tell the devil to come along for there’s nowhere left to fall this time you’re the ghost everybody’s given up on your ruined soul they stopped smothering the fires in your heart but the flames ain’t burning out one day you won’t be back nursing empty bottles until the dawn instead of a child who’s desperate for a conventional home you better try to fix all the souls you done wrong instead of telling stories in the corner on your own
2.
Pasque Flowers it's almost three in the morning and i was told to got to bed but i'm not a little kid i could be that little girl, mother said i believed this was something that will pass as quick as the waves could pull you down bought a plane ticket to travel far but it seems now instead we're gonna drown listen to your grandmother she's been to more places than you've been she called me today saying the pasque flowers stopped growing and she thinks the bastards could finally win she said they been growing well since they moved in and that has been years and years and years tell me tell me where you've been now your lack of self esteem has brought you down
3.
Isles of Sanity mother earth may not have asked for it herself for we had done it for her now between ourselves and this madness all that is left in our cell are those isles of sanity that we all now worship pray for the reefs of sanity and our worn out tricks for we had taken too much and we don’t set no boundaries mother can't stop crying and we can't stop the battle Isolation is upon us For we think distance causes pain This time it can save us From the weight of the pouring rain Sing out your lungs For the ones who are too weak I can hear drunken lullabies From those lonely balconies the moon's nearly gone for it's still early for the birds in the darkness searching for hope bite your lip and don't curse
4.
The Quiet Battle woke up to a town that’s silent mother, can you hear the quite hush now come to the door there’s nothing to see anymore with the losers on our side heating up the coffee for the seventeenth time this time it looks like they won this time it looks like we won trying to find comfort in your lies like a father said, it's nice to see your mother happy even though it's with another man you can just hear by the shiver in his voice he's lying he’s lying they tell me sing that old song i say i don’t remember the words it don’t matter we’ll make them up as we go just sing that old song i read the news again today two thousand and three hundred deaths can we even pray for a finally end i’d rather look in the mirror over and over at that worn out face and lie to myself, it’s all just a game
5.
Cutting Corners the night before my birthday i dreamt my mother was on Prince's album cover and i awoke with swollen eyes from crying over our lives all night wise up wise up, little girl for the passions and obsessions may never return singing our morning blues i’m just singing a lonely tune thinking life wasn’t so bad On school days we’re cutting corners on Friday we crossed the borders are we ever coming back? yesterday i could swear we were brothers oh god, how can you be so ruthless he throws the right ones off the track there are fearless and breathless blackouts stand beside me, can you hear the birds chant? it’s the time to take a dancing class woken up a year older again my age seems to be catching up with my inner self silent celebrations of the town the night before my birthday i dreamt my mother was on Prince's album cover and i awoke with swollen eyes
6.
Aging Clown 03:51
Aging Clown woke up with an early dawn you have no place to go the stage is no longer your home you can’t find your telephone expecting no calls no more though your brother lives alone when we all fall on the floor none of us learned how to crawl when no one wants to talk about being scared of getting old it’s a long long long road and in the night it’s always cold you said A rocking chair is pretty good for an Aging Clown can’t go for a drink next door writing your own anecdote about the famous English clown with a big nose and a scary frown when they told you not to smoke no longer rolling those big joints what does now bring you joy let’s look at life through a telescope you said A rocking chair is pretty good for an Aging Clown
7.

about

‘Tapes of Solitude’. 7 songs recorded between the four walls of our living room on a very small and a very crappy microphone from my old pair of headphones.
Here’s a diary I’ve been writing during those two months in isolation, thank you iviart.net for helping me with the cover.
Including a little bonus track, an acoustic version of one of my first songs ‘Only Breathing’. ‘Cause during those times it’s all about breathing…isn’t it?

credits

released May 20, 2020

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